Truly Shitty Things To Do To People....

Current mood: creative
I have so much hatred in me for one particular person I can hardly take it anymore.
I try not to hate, because it is unGodly and can wreak havoc with your insides.... I have gotten over my hatred of a couple of people during my short-lived life so far and I am much better for it. First person: My former step-monster Gorette -- aka, Goretched. Oh, I dreamt of ways to see her life end in horror. I never had enough money or guts to have someone do it for me or just do it myself, so I am pretty sure she still inhabits this planet. I plainly remember telling my father on his wedding day, "If you marry her you will never see me or your grandkids." I cried profusely as he walked down the aisle.
Then in a strange turn of events, not really strange you see as I knew she was a psycho beast from the moment I met her, my father spent two years on the lam trying to escape Goretched. He toured the USA in his Mazerati and camped at state parks and who knows where else trying to get away from her.
She who laughs last....
Anyway, she is history in our family and my father wasn't with her when I did get married and actually had kids, so he has been a part of his grandkids life. Oh, what a feel good story this is.
But I do clearly remember thinking about cutting break lines, planting car bombs, arson, hired sharp-shooters, etc. just to name a few, while I was in my active hating days.
Those thoughts came fleeting back to my mind in the 1998-99-2000 when my thoughts of hatred came back. This time against another woman -- Jill Martinis. That was my husband's ex-wife and she was again, another psycho beast from hell.
These two women had a lot of things in common. Like they lied so much and it was such a nonchalant part of their everyday life that they actually believed their lies to be true. Sad, but true. You could tell the way she talked that she actually believed her lies. Even when the lies morphed in a conversation of no less than 10 minutes. She could be talking to you and say four different things about the same thing in a phone conversation. At the time I wished I had $10K to take care of the problem. But again, I have gotten over it.
And she moved on to the next victim.... They all do. Now she is Jill Stephanelli and her social security number is .....just kidding. That would be truly shitty. I do have her social. I have kept it all these years, just wondering what to do with the information I have on her. But alas, it remains hidden away in a filing cabinet, because I do know that these evil human beings that walk along side the rest of us from day to day will get theirs in the end.
If you are an athiest, or even an agnostic, you might believe in Kharma over Hell. I believe in both. Kharma works its magic during ones life on the earth. And the best thing about it is you get to see it in action. Hell takes place after we have "shuffled off this mortal coil," to procure a segment of MacBeth from our great playwright Shakespeare.
They get tortured for eternity in Hell, which seems like what we are when they are still on earth...
Anyway, to get to some truly shitty things to do people: I borrow this from my lovely and very vindictive sister, Dianne. She is one of those bitches that you never want to mess with. Trust me on this. I on the other hand am I bitch you can totally mess with. I have no emotional intelligence -- when the going gets rough I tear up and get all reactive. It would be great if I could keep my hormones in check and actually say the right thing at the right time. But this never happens. I am useless in spontaneous confrontation. If I have time to think about the confrontation before it actually happens, then great -- more power to me. But this rarely happens.
A long time ago, when Dianne was pissed off at someone ( I forget who at this point, it was so long ago) she told me the secret of See's Dogs Logs.
Here is the recipe for said confection:
Buy a box of See's Candies and eat the entire contents of the box, all the while thinking of the person you hate. Save all the brown little wrappers the candy is inserted into.
Find a neighbor, or friend who owns a: poodle, dachshund, pomeranian, etc. Make sure the feces of said dog is firm. Firm canine feces are attained from foods containing great binders, like beet pulp. After a couple of days without poop scooping the yard, don a pair of gloves and collect the hard little turds.
Buy a large chocolate bar and melt in pan.
Using a pair of disposable tongs, dip each dog log into the chocolate until properly coated.
Once dried, put the dog log into the brown candy wrapper and arrange in box.
Once the box is full, put the box top on and wrap in paper of your choice.
Send to person you hate.
Enjoy the moments after box is mailed to envision Stiffler eating the dog turd in American Pie Wedding.... pretend it is the hated person doing the chewing and be content to know that thereis no diamond ring in the pile of shit.
I told you it was a truly shitty thing to do to a person.
With that being said, I would like to say I have never actually done this. I have thought about it.
If you have some shitty things to do to people please post it in the comment section of this blog!

July 25, 2006